Wednesday, March 6, 2013

My mommy confessions

Sometimes I feel like some mothers act as if motherhood is something that is perfect; (on the surface that is) when truly they are miserable, sleep deprived, and frustrated. When people ask the million dollar loaded question "How's Motherhood?", it is very easy to just smile and nod and say "It's going just fine." When in all reality, you're struggling to keep it together, and falling apart by the seams. I mean who wants to actually admit that motherhood is terrible? If we as mothers show any signs of weakness then we are view as being unfit to be a mother, or someone who hates their child. But the truth is mothers are human too, and are allowed to feel frustrated with their child, they are allowed to feel like they want to take a break from it every now and then. Motherhood is no walk in the park. So I would like to share with you my "mommy" confessions. To share how I truly feel about motherhood. Don't get me wrong, motherhood is not terrible, but at times it can really test your patience and sanity. It's important not to keep it all inside and act as if nothing is wrong. So  I like to share with you the things I am going through as a mother right now: my frustrations, the things that just generally pissed me off, and the things that make maybe other mothers can relate too. (And if they can't, maybe I really am a terrible mother, that hates my child and I'm alone with my thinking.Ok..Maybe not. lol)

So here are my mommy confessions:

1) I find breastfeeding annoying at times and wish that men had the power to breastfeed too.
I have a love/hate relationship with breastfeeding. I don't want to stop breastfeeding anytime soon, it's convenient and I know Grant is getting the best nourishment, but there are times when I get tired of breastfeeding. Especially when Grant wakes up in the middle of the night, and I'm so tired, and the only thing that will comfort him is my boob. So this is the jail get out of free card for my husband. He doesn't have to wake up in the middle of the night to take care of Grant. He doesn't have a boob. You might say, "Megan, why can't he just make up a bottle of formula or used pumped milk?" I tried that a couple of times, it doesn't work, he cries, and wants his mommy. If men also had the power to nurse babies, then maybe I could have a break, we could take turns in the middle of the night. I could get some sleep finally! I know that sounds twisted, men breastfeeding too, but hell, I really think it would make a nursing mother's life so much easier.

2) Now I truly understand why parents accidentally leave their children in the car.
Let me rephrase that... I myself have never left Grant in the car, or forgot about him in the car. But I have seen my mind go in crazy mom overdrive, that there have been times when I have dropped Grant off to the sitters, but then I question myself and ask "Did I drop Grant off? He's not in the car still is he?" Needless to say, he never is still in the car, and he's at the sitters, and I literally just left the sitters five minutes ago, but yet I question myself. Why? Because when you get into hyper mom overdrive, so many things are happening at once, that I have to remind myself what I did in the last half hour. I don't think I would ever leave Grant in the car without ever knowing it, but I still check (I know ridiculous.) But I have more of an understanding of why some parents accidentally leave their small children in the car. Usually when it happens, it's because they went out of their routine. Before being a mother, I couldn't fathom or remotely understand how anyone could "accidentally" leave their child in the car. But being a mother has given me more empathy and understanding for why it happens. I could only imagine how the parent would feel if it happened to them, I'm sure they wouldn't live a day without blaming themselves and feeling terrible about it. It's tragic when those things happen, but I will say I completely see how and why it happens. That is why it's important to always double check in the carseat, just to make sure.

3) I want to go away on a vacation away from Grant for a couple of days.
 Don't get me wrong, I love Grant, but sometimes it would be nice to take a little mommy break for a couple of days. Maybe I feel this way because Grant has been extremely attached to me lately, and it's driving me nuts. And Grant is STILL not sleeping through the night, so it would be nice to sleep a night without a crying baby. It's been exhausting lately.

4) I'm getting REALLY mad that people keep mistaking Grant for a girl.
 This has been happening WAY too much lately. Strangers have repeatedly mistaken Grant for a girl when he is clearly wearing boy clothing, with monsters, trains, and trucks. I'm not sure why it is so hard to tell that he is a boy. But I feel like a good rule of thumb that I use is if you are not sure if a baby is a boy or girl, to say "How old?" That way you aren't specifying if a baby is a boy or girl. Usually the parent will say  "She is a month old" And bam you know what gender the baby is without sounding stupid or making a parent mad because you said their baby was the wrong gender.

I am not a girl! Quit saying that!

5)Childproof locks on everything, frustrates me, not only are they childproof but they are Meganproof.
 Now that I have all the cabinets with childproof locks to keep Grant out of them, I have a hard time opening them. I know they are to keep children out of things, but boy are they a hassle to get into cabinets. And I also have struggled with trying to over childproof caps on pill bottles. Boy are they the worse!

6) Holding a newborn baby I can honestly say does not make me want to have another baby.
 There have been two new babies born recently, my niece and then Matt's cousin had a baby. So we got to visit the cute babies recently, and hold them. At both places, I got the question "Does holding a baby make you want to have another?" And I can honestly say no it doesn't make my uterus scream "I need another baby!". Don't get me wrong, I want another baby whenever the time comes, but Grant is such a handful now I'll be fine if it's a little while before I have another. Babies are a lot of work! Or should I say toddlers are a lot of work.

Those are my mommy confessions for now. I'm sure I'll come with more later. Being a mommy isn't easy!


  1. Love it. I think the amber necklaces throw a lot of people off, honestly. I've noticed Grant has one and a friend of mine used one habitually on her son & no matter how boyed-out his clothing was, it never seemed to fail - people (of other generations) kept calling him a her! Grr!

    And I think until Presley grows hair she will be a little boy to 90% of strangers. GRR!

  2. This made me laugh. Not because it is funny. But because it is like OMG, yes, yes, and yes especially to the breastfeeding one. I hate that I have to get up at 3 am, and nurse Forrest while my husband just stays in the bed like a log. Sure, he does work, and I stay home, but being SAHM doesn't mean you get to rest, and chill all day long. There are stuff to do, and to have a little person that needs so much from me can be tiring. I feel almost guilty for saying that because mothers are supposed to WANT this instead of be like ugh, I need a break.

    I hope that Grant will sleep through the night soon!

  3. I'm right there with you Megan! You are so not alone in wanting a little break.. it makes me feel bad but mothers need time to recharge not only for ourselves but for our babies! :)