Monday, October 28, 2013

Coming to terms with having to have another c-section

With Grant, I had to have an unplanned c-section. I was really hoping I would avoid having a c-section. I had it off my radar, and didn't even think there was a chance that I would even have to get one. I convinced myself since the baby was not breached that there was no other reason to even have a c-section. Being a first time mom, and not knowing what to expect, you sometimes think everything with childbirth, will go exactly as planned. But unfortunately this is not the case. I had high blood pressure, and was diagnosed with pre-e, had to get induced, but never progressed, and ended up having a c-section. When I first was told that I had to have a c-section, I didn't have much time to process that it was actually going to happen to me. Which is probably a good thing, because I think it would have just freaked me out if I got to think about for a longer period of time. Of course my first reaction was to call my mother and have her drive an hour from home to the hospital. I'm so glad she was there, since she had three c-sections herself, I felt like she would be a good person to be present, and help melt away my fears so to speak.

Looking back the c-section wasn't as terrible as I thought it was going to be. It was just very surreal. I know I've said this before in past blog entries,  but I seriously felt like a puppet on strings being tugged and pulled everything which way and direction. I think the worse part was Grant being taken away, and me not know what was wrong with him as they rushed him away to figure out why he was having issues breathing as they switched me back up. Also the feeling of complete numbness during the procedure, and afterwards was so weird. I didn't like not having any control or feeling in my body. And I was so cold afterwards. The nurse had to put 3 layers of warm blankets just to keep me warm.

It was a dramatic experience, but of course its kind of a blur now, and most of the bad parts are forgotten. I seriously believe the saying that people say "you forget about all the pain and misery during labor and pregnancy once the baby is born". Even though I forget most of the terribleness that I experience with Grant, I still was hoping to avoid a c-section with this second pregnancy. My doctor told me that a V-BAC (Vaginal birth after a c-section) was still possible. Even though the hospital that she delivers at would not do V-BACs because of the high risk, she would refer me to a high risk doctor for a second opinion. And if I could do a V-BAC, I would just deliver at a local hospital that is about a half hour away from where I live.

So for the first 6 months of my pregnancy, I remained hopeful that a V-BAC was possible. I told myself, everything was in my favor. Well I was wrong. When I went to the high risk doctor that did my ultrasound, that was actually checking for a soft-marker for Down-Syndrome that was spotted on her heart, the doctor decided to drop a bomb on me. A bomb I wasn't even asking for. He asks me if I was planning for a V-BAC. I tell him yes, and he says it probably not a possibility. He shows the ultrasound of my uterus, and says that the scarring of my c-section is very thin, and the chances of rupture is very high. I was crushed by this news. But convinced myself there still was a possibility of having a V-BAC, and that his opinion didn't matter since he wasn't my regular doctor. I consulted with other women from local facebook group about it, and they tell me to fight it and get a second opinion and how the thin uterus and chances of rupture is a scare tactic. I feel inspired that I still have a fighting chance. But then when I go to my doctor to ask her about it and see if I could get a second opinion, she tells me that basically the doctor that recommended a c-section based of my ultrasound, is a very well known doctor in the community, and if he says it, most other doctors won't go against what he says. She said she could refer me to another doctor, but the two choices were over two- three hours away. And even then those doctors may say the same thing.

I felt defeated going home from the doctor that day. Maybe I could have fought it more. Maybe I could have just went to another doctor, and acted like I never got that recommendation about my uterus being too thin. But I just felt powerless at the moment, and felt that it was a battle that I wasn't going to win, no matter how hard I try. I'm not lie, I'm really sad for the fact that I'll never get to experience a vaginal birth. I know that sounds weird, and it really doesn't matter how the baby is born. But in a way I feel like having a vaginal birth is having like wearing the big badge of courage, to say you went through hours and hours of labor and pain, and tearing to give birth to a baby. Not that getting cut open is not wearing a big badge of courage. That takes courage as well. Though I feel like there is still negative connotations with c-sections still by society. Like "Oh, you had a c-section, that is the easy way out." Or " You don't know what it's like to experience REAL childbirth". It really shouldn't matter especially considering c-section rate has increased big time recently. 32 percent all deliveries are done by c-section. But it's just sad that c-sections seem to be done by doctors more times than medically necessary. And I'm yet again apart of that statistic.

Maybe it's for the best that I am going to have to another c-section, considering now my blood pressure is acting up and I'm creepy towards pre-e again. And since that is happening, I think even if I would have tried for a VBAC, it would have ended up as a c-section. Nothing like history repeating. Even though I know what to expect this time around, the thought of a c-section freaks me out. I really don't want to go through it again. I know it won't be that terrible, but I just think just the knowing of how a c-section works, makes me dread the idea of having to do it again. But once baby comes, all that won't matter and hopefully will be a distant faded memory like it was with Grant.

Pregnancy and Childbirth is definitely not easy. I wish I was one of those people that pops out babies like nothing and have a really easy labor. Unfortunately that was not in the cards for me. But the end result is wonderful, and makes the "how" part irrelevant. Having an adorable toddler and a sweet baby, makes those c-sections seem like nothing. . .

Friday, October 11, 2013

The evolution of pregnancy Cravings

It's interesting how this pregnancy I have had an array of different pregnancy cravings. I feel like I've gone through phases of cravings where I have liked a different food for each trimester. I guess I was that way when I was pregnant with Grant. The big thing I craved towards the end of my pregnancy  was cheese and crackers. It was ridiculous that I ate literally a block of cheese within a couple of days.

With this pregnancy I've haven't been obsessed with cheese. But a different barrage of food that doesn't really make sense. I guess after craving it so much I got sick of it and progressed to something else.

Here is the list of foods that I have craved, from the beginning until now:
  • Broccoli cheddar soup from Panera (couldn't get enough of that for the first month of pregnancy)
  • Mexican food- Fajitas and Hot head Burrito- I would eat it to the point of 2-3 times week, now not as much but I'm still like the occassional Mexican dish :)
  • Mcdonalds Bacon Egg McMuffin Sandwiches with hashbrowns (I had a two month obsession of that in the second trimester)
  •  Coke Cola- Plain Coke, which is weird for me considering I don't even like plain coke
  • Skyline chilli  
  •  Pancakes (which I like pancakes but not that often. I've been making them 2-3 times a week.)
  •  Boston Stoker's Highland Grogg Latte (which I think this craving was short lived considering I got sick the other day from drinking it, and not really feeling like ever drinking it again)                        
And my latest new obsession- is chocolate chip cookie bars

I've been developing a hankering for  a cookie bar, so last week in the store I bought all kinds of baking chips- white chocolate, peanut butter and chocolate chips.

I tried to make to make this microwave cookie in a mug one night, because I really wanted cookie BADLY but didn't feel like spending all this time to make it. So I found this recipe:

 Mircowave cookie:

But it sadly turned out disastrous because I didn't have an egg yolk separator and ended up using a whole egg and made it cakey like and not like a cookie.

So this past Monday, I made this yummy cookie pie:

It's delicious! I didn't use M&Ms but I did use chocolate chips, white chocolate chips and peanut butter chips. It's pretty much all gone already and I made it on Monday. It really helped fulfill my pregnancy craving! Pregnant or not I suggest making this yummy cookie pie. I'm probably going to make another one, maybe with M&Ms this time or another yummy add-in.

Pregnancy cravings are so fun! Being pregnant gives me a great excuse to keep eating the same food over and over again.

It's funny my pregnancy cravings started with cheddar soup and now I ended up craving cookies! The evolution of pregnancy cravings is so strange and funny.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Pregnancy Woes

Pregnancy has not been nice to my body yet again. I thought everything was going pretty good despite the lactose intolerance, the random nut allergy, horrible pelvic pain, and terrible aversion to chocolate. But then the bad word came up that I was hoping would not come up this time around. HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE. I really thought I was avoiding it this time around. My blood pressure has been pretty good the entire pregnancy. With Grant I had some random bad ones even early on in my pregnancy. But this time my blood pressure readings have been splendid. Until about three weeks ago, when it was not so good. Of course one bad reading the doctor told me the drill has begun, the 24 hour urine, twice a week non-stress tests. And the terrible fear that I will be put on bed rest again.

I was really hoping that preeclampsia would not be on my radar this time around. Maybe it won't happen.One can wish! With Grant, I was officially diagnosed with pre-e at 38 weeks. The high blood pressure started around the same time at 30 weeks. Unfortunately bad genes are on my side, high blood pressure and pre-e runs on the dad's side of my family.

The doctor has already mentioned bed rest, but I told her I have too much to do at work to be put on bed rest. She said if my blood pressure gets worse, I may have to be put on bedrest. With Grant I got put on limited work and bedrest at about 34 weeks. I'm approaching 34 weeks this Friday, so far my blood pressure has been in the 130s-140s/70-80. Sometimes it creeps up to 150/90 every now and then. I ended up buying a blood pressure monitor to check my BP twice a day. It's definitely been worth the money.

If nothing else at least I know to expect a c-section this time around. Which I'm not happy about, but it is what it is at this point. Basically due to my uterus being very thin from scarring, the doctor won't even consider me as a candidate to have a VBAC  for fear of rupture. I'm dreading the c-section, that will be another fun post to talk about. But if nothing else, I know I do not have to go through a dramatic induction because of pre-e. I'm just hoping baby girl can bake longer and that my high BP doesn't turn into pre-e soon. I'm almost 34 weeks, so hopefully she can bake at least another 4. We'll see. At this point I'm glad that we are only having two kids, because I'm beginning to think my body wasn't designed for pregnancy. I wish I could have easy peasy non-stressful pregnancies. But oh well, its worth it in the end. When I see how cute and adorable Grant is the bad memories of my pregnancy experience with him instantly wash away. I know after I have baby girl, all this will be a faded memory too. The end result makes it all worth it. :)