Wednesday, December 9, 2015

The Great Debate

Oh my goodness. It has been WAY too long since I have posted. I didn't mean for that to happen. Life has been crazy busy and I have let this blog get away from me. Sorry. There has been one thing lately that I have been seeing quite a bit of and it has inspired me to get back into my blog writing. The common theme  that I have been seeing recently in social media and in the talk around me in my everyday life, is the Working Mom verses Stay-at-Home-Mom debate. It really shouldn't even be a debate. It is a choice and sometimes it isn't always a choice, it has to be that way in order for that family to make ends meet financially. Choice or not, no one should feel like one way is better than the other. Neither one, should be devalued. But often times they are. Society looks down on stay-at-home moms, saying their jobs are easy and they get to stay at home and do what they want all day long. But then society also looks down at working mothers, saying they obviously don't care about their children, and rather put their careers first. Or that they get a break from the kids, and still get an opportunity to interact with adults. I wish these judgements that women make on each other and that other people make would disintegrate. Why can't we just say both are hard in different ways, and that it doesn't really matter which way you choose to raise your children as long as they are provided for socially, emotionally, physically, etc?

That is the question I ask myself quite often, especially when I see different opinion pieces on the matter. Two recent blog pieces that really got to me was from a stay-at-home mother: Stay at Home Challenge  and from a working mother: Working doesn't make you a better mom  Even though these pieces are from each side of the " Great Debate". They really send similar messages, that being a stay-at-home mother somehow makes you a "better" mom. But what does that even mean? Why can't we just be a mother? How ever we do that (whether that be a working mother, working from home mother, or stay at home mother) doesn't make us better than the other. It  is just part of how our child gets raised, but it shouldn't define us as a mother. I wish I could scrap all the labels and just say I am a mother. Working doesn't change the fact I am a mother. And it doesn't make me any less of a mother. And those who stay at home with their children are not less than a woman who works outside of the home.

Don't get me wrong, as a mother, working and juggling motherhood is not easy at all. There are times were I have felt like the writer in the article "Working doesn't make you a better mom." There have been times where I have felt like a failure at parenting, because I couldn't be there at that exact moment. There have been times when I just wanted to throw in the towel and quit my job so I could stay at home with my kids. There have been times where I feel like it is impossible to give my 100 percent to my job, being a mother and a wife. While I have felt every emotion, I am sure most mothers feel this way in whatever path they take. The other unknown side always seems like the better side. And really with every option there are pros and cons. Not one side is better than the other. But when you feel like you are drowning, that other side sure seems like the more desirable side. It has taken me almost four years to master the art of being a working mother. I have felt many ups and downs with it, but for me I feel like I am finally in a place, where it works for me. It is my normal and I am happy with it. For me, I love working, I don't think I would be happy if I didn't work. But that is the beauty, to be able to make that choice. That choice to stay at home or to become a working mom. And if it isn't a choice but rather a necessity, I think it is important to make it part of your normal, but not let it define you as a mother or make you feel any less of a person and mother. We are all good mothers, doing what we think is best for our children. Let's throw out the stereotypes of the "working moms" and the "stay-at-home moms". Let's say we are all good enough in what we do. I am not better than a mother who stays at home with her children. And she isn't better than I am. We are mothers, caring for our children the best way that we can.