Monday, September 26, 2011

Irrational fears of a pregnant woman

Since I've been pregnant, I've developed some crazy irrational fears. Fears that would most likely never come true, but I think being pregnant just makes me 100 times more of a worry wart than I already am. Maybe my mama bear instincts are just kicking in and making me super over protective of my little baby bean growing to the point that I've imagine every worst case scenario. Regardless I've realized how ridiculous my irrational fears have been lately. Prepare to get a good laugh or just shake your head and worry about my silly irrational fears that most normal pregnant women probably do not think about.

My first irrational fear which actually most pregnant women do worry about is having a miscarriage. I've pretty much developed this fear as soon as I found out I was pregnant; being so afraid that I would somehow lose the baby. Even though I'm in my 2nd trimester and in the safe zone of miscarriage less likely to happen, I still freak out that something will happen to my baby. Here is the part that you're going to shake your head at me, every time I go to the bathroom I have to check the toilet just to make sure my baby didn't fall into the toilet. Yes, I know that is the most ridiculous thing you probably ever heard. But for some reason I'm so scared something like this will happen, maybe it's because I've watched way to many episodes of "I didn't know I was pregnant" where women have given birth in the toilet, thinking they just had to take a big poop and to their horror discover that they can't get off the toilet because they are connected to what is in the toilet, i.e. a baby! The concept still just baffles me to how you do not know you're ever pregnant in first place. I feel like the signs are so obvious, when you're pregnant let alone giving birth. I mean how could you not know you are giving birth in the toilet? I guess I'm not afraid I'll give birth while on the toilet, but somehow I'll miscarry and I'll find the baby in the toilet. It's a terrible thought, that I hope never happens, but yet I freak out about this constantly, and always checking the toilet just to make sure. You can tell me that I'm ridiculous which I am. Which reminds me of last week, when I went to the bathroom, looked in the toilet, and gasp in horror seeing this weird white blob, thinking it came out of me, to only realize it was nothing but cat hair. Yes, cat hair. When Matt finds Marco's cat hair laying around instead of throwing it away he thinks the better solution is to put it in the toilet and not flush it afterward. It nearly gave me a heart-attack, I'm not sure what I thought it was at first, but somehow I associated it seeing it meant something is wrong with my baby. Again ridiculous. I was so relieved when I realized it was cat hair. I know my baby is not going to fall right out of me, but I guess my worst fear is that I'm going to go into early labor and have an abrupt placenta or whatever that is called, where the placenta erupts or something and labor happens prematurely. Like I said most pregnant women probably do have an fear of having a miscarriage but they probably do not have a fear of finding their baby in the toilet. Sigh. I seriously don't know where I think this crap up, again I've been watching way too much "I didn't know I was pregnant" or something. And you would be surprise how many women on that show had their baby while on the toilet. sigh..

My next irrational fear is something I've developed recently in the last month, and I worry as the weather gets worse that my fear is going to get worse. And that is driving. Yes, recently I've been getting anxiety with driving. Usually it's only when I change lanes on the highway, and driving in general on the highway. I don't know why, I guess I'm so scared that when changing lanes, I'll get hit by a car that I didn't see because they were in my blind spot. I pretty much break my neck as it is already, just to make sure there are no cars in my blind spot, but I still cringe every-time I change lanes, thinking I'm going to get hit by a car. Again, not normal! I was never like this before. I really think it is because I'm pregnant, I'm just so scared of getting in a car accident, that I don't want anything to happen to my baby. And I know having anxiety like this is not good when driving, and it doesn't help that I spend a majority of my time driving around to random places for my job. I guess that is why I am so scared of this winter, I already hate driving in snow and ice as it is. I got in a wreck in January of this year because of black ice, so now that I'm pregnant, the thought of driving in the snow really scares me quite a bit. Matt says I should just drive his jeep since it has four wheel drive, which maybe I will, it may make me feel more safe. I have a feeling though once I have the baby the fear of driving won't go away, because the baby will be in my car while driving and then I'll be still scared of getting in a wreck in fear of harming my baby. So I don't really think this fear is going to go away, though I just need to take a chill pill and be a better driver. For those who know me, my driving skills are not the best.

My last irrational fear is beyond ridiculous. I'm 27 years old, and sadly embarrassed to even admit this fear. I have a horrible fear of aliens. I'm not really sure why, it's not like I've even seen an alien or have been abducted by aliens, but the thought of them seriously scares the life out of me. This is why I refuse to watch movies with aliens in them. When I saw the movie "The Signs" I was so scared when I went to bed, that I was shaking and it took me 4 hours before I went to sleep. Well now that I'm pregnant and I have to get up in the middle of the night, at least 2 to 3 times, I've become quite scared of walking in the dark and going to the bathroom. Again, 27 year old's should not be afraid of the dark, this is something a 5 year olds should be afraid of, but not a 27 year old! I'm afraid of the dark for the silliest reason, yes, I'm afraid aliens are going to come out of the darkness and get me. Again I know this is probably the silliest thing you've ever hear of, most people are not afraid of the dark or afraid of aliens for that mater. And it's not like aliens are going to come and get me, but yet I tip toe in the dark, hoping the darkness doesn't skew my perceptions as I'm in a half-asleep daze. Oddly I didn't have a fear that aliens were going to come at me in the middle of the night before I was pregnant, but somehow now that I'm pregnant, I've developed this silly fear, maybe because I have to walk around in the dark more, I don't know. I guess I could turn on the lights, but I don't want to wake up Matt.

OK, now I feel slightly ridiculous that I've shared my irrational fears, but I promise I do not need to seek professional help, it's just being pregnant has somehow made me super duper over protective, and all I want is a healthy baby boy or girl. So I don't want anything to happen to my baby, so I've developed these ridiculous fears that I hope and pray never come true. At least the getting abducted by aliens is the one less likely to happen out of the three.

Don't worry these irrational fears haven't eaten me alive, most of the time, I just brush it aside, and laugh quietly to myself, thinking why am I even worried about this? The chances of it happening are highly unlikely. If nothing else I think it's good to be mentally prepared of the worst case scenario. I mean who knows maybe aliens will come and invade my house tomorrow. lol.

1 comment:

  1. Don't worry about the miscarriage fear, I've had it the whole time too. I'm a bigger gal, so finding the baby's heartbeat is harder to do. I'm just over 15 weeks, and went for an ultrasound yesterday and after I saw the baby dancing around, only then did I find any sort of relief of this fear that I had a MMC and didn't know about it.

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