Post baby weight struggles

So I will admit I had this whole delusion that I would lose all the baby weight  and then some from my pregnancy. Pretty much everyone has told me how I would lose pounds like crazy from breastfeeding. That the pounds would drop like magic. And that you can eat anything that you want and lose weight. Well that was completely wrong. I know it is true for maybe for some women. But for me not the case. I will admit that I am slightly (ok, maybe more then slightly) envious of the women who look amazing within 6 months after having a baby. A very popular blog that I follow, which I will remain nameless, makes me extremely envious. (And for those who follow this blog, you may know who I am talking about) I love the blog,it is about a new mother, who also had a baby around the same time as I did. She is stick thin and gorgeous. When she was pregnant, she looked amazing. Her body pretty much looked the same. She didn't inflate like a giant balloon like I did. She just looked like she had a cute little basketball underneath her shirt. She recently posted a blog entry about how she got back her post-baby body back to her pre-baby body. It was sickening, when she posted a picture of a picture of her per-pregnancy abs and her post baby abs exactly a year later (4 months after she had the baby). Ok it wasn't sickening. It's wonderful that she got her body back and actually looked better then even before she had a baby. But sickening to me for the fact that it's almost been a year since I've had Grant and I still feel like a blimp. And don't look remotely the same as I did pre-baby. And of course the blogger contributing losing most of her weight quickly to breastfeeding, eating healthy, and intense exercise. And all I can think, is how in the hell do you find time with a baby, to work out? Between working, and taking care of Grant, I RARELY have the time to work out. Which is maybe part of the problem. I also contribute people who look amazing after giving birth, to good genes. Which I decided I do not have good genes. After-all, I had to get per-elcampsia, which is contributed to my bad genes.

I will admit my eating habits have not been the best. Which is maybe why I have not dropped the weight as quickly as I would have likes to. I'm getting better about it. I've been drinking way more water, and cutting pop and other sugary drinks. That has seemed to help shrink my belly. But I just don't understand why I have nearly breastfed for a year, and have not dropped the pounds like flies. I'm hoping I'll be like the women that I keep hearing about who don't lose the pounds until AFTER they quit breastfeeding. Apparently some women store fat and don't lose weight when breastfeeding. And then when they stop breastfeeding, the weight starts dropping. At this point I hope a pray this is the case. I have become very deflated about my post baby belly. When I was pregnant I gained 55 pounds. Which was ridiculous. I was watching Jessica Simpson on Jay Leno, last night. She is pregnant with baby number two. She was talking about how with the first pregnancy she pretty thought she could eat anything and was a human garbage disposal. Which is one of the reasons why she gained over 50 pounds. She worked hard to lose the baby weight, but then she got pregnant again. Listening to her interview, Matt chimed in and said I thought the same thing, that I could eat as much as I wanted just because I was pregnant. I denied that this was true, but the more I thought about it, I was in denial. It was true. I pretty much ate everything under the sun. I ate a lot of ice cream during my pregnancy, and french fries. Which would account why I have gained so much during pregnancy. And maybe that is why it's been so hard to lose it. I so far have lost 40 pounds since having Grant. But I still need to lose 15 pounds to get back to prepregnancy weight. It's so depressing because I've been stuck at the same weigh since I've was 4 months postpartum. It's like the weight will not dropped anymore.

Luckily my pants fit me again, but my belly is like cellulite,flabby cottage cheese.I hate wearing any of my shirts. I just over analyze them anymore, because I feel like my boob are huge, and they show my belly budge.  I now have quite a bit of muffin top spillage pouring out of my pants. It's really depressing. Shirts that were big on me, and pretty much droopy looking before I got pregnant, now look like a tight belly shirt. It's hideous. I've had to buy a lot of new shirts because of this. I'm not liking my post-pregnancy body. Which is probably why I am having such a hard time accepting, that I may never get my pre-baby body back.

It's funny how these things work, because I remember even before having Grant, how I felt fat, like my belly was flabby, or that I looked like a whale. But now looking at pictures, I realized I wasn't THAT bad, and I would die to look that way again.

The other day I came across this picture from 2006, and didn't even realize I was that skinny. If only I could look like that again!

It's funny because even though this was 7 years ago, I really haven't changed pants size. And I'm only about 15 pounds more then I was in this picture. It's amazing how much weight can shift around. This is what I looked like about a couple months before I found out I was pregnant. Unfortunately I can't fit into this dress anymore with my post baby body. Mainly because of my huge boobs. I would love to get back to this look:

I guess I shouldn't be a too tough critic on myself, because I don't look terrible. As long as you don't have to ever see me in a bikini. Which I never really wore one pre-baby anyways. Here is a picture of what I took of myself today. It's not terrible, I will say I look pretty awesome in my green skinny jeans. But I still have work to do in my tummy region.

Recently I have been going to yoga classes, and I will say I am loving yoga. I didn't realize how much yoga can work the body. I've been really feeling more alert doing yoga. Also my back hasn't been hurting as much doing yoga. I'm hoping yoga will help tone me more. So I am hoping to continue with the yoga.

Bottom line, it may not be easy to look good after having a baby. Maybe I'll never get back to the way I looked pre-baby. And I need to accept that and love the skin I'm currently in. I guess it isn't that terrible :)