Friday, March 30, 2012

Things I said I would never do as a parent

When I was pregnant and even before I was pregnant, I had a list of things I told myself I would never do as a parent. Well easier said that done. Now that I am actually a parent, I've realized that your ideals of parenting and actual parenting are completely two different things. Having a child is very unpredictable, things go wrong, things you wouldn't expect to happen, happen. So I can say I would never ever do a certain thing as a parent, but that would be a lie. Because I may end up doing the thing I said I never would do. I won't know until that moment happens, when I make the decision what is right for my child. So here is list of things that I told myself I would never do as a parent and have ended up doing. And I'm sure this list will only grow over the years.

1) Give my child formula.
I would get formula samples in the mail, and just carelessly toss them in my closet, and told myself I would never need to use them. But decided to keep them just in case. But I knew or at least thought I knew that I wouldn't need to use them, and probably end up throwing them out. Well lies. Grant's first week of life he ended up losing 12 oz. For most babies that might not be a big deal, but Grant was only 5 pound 13 oz when he was born. So losing 12 oz was a big deal. He was skin and bones and down to 5 pounds and 1 ounces. The pediatrician at his appointment wasn't concerned, but then when we had to go to the hospital because Grant had jaundice, suddenly his weight loss was a concern. So the nurse weighed Grant before I fed him, and then weighed him after I fed him. When this happen, he didn't gain any weight, which meant he really didn't get any breastmilk from me. This was highly discouraging to me considering I really thought I was feeding my child. I'm not sure why this was happening, I think because Grant was so small and still didn't have a very strong suck, so he wasn't getting very much. So the nurse came back in after consulting with the doctor on call to tell me he wanted me to supplement. The concept sounded completely foreign to me. Basically they wanted me to breastfeed Grant as much as I possibly could and then when he was done give him formula. It was very hard giving him formula, mainly because I thought I would never have to give him formula. And I wanted to fight for exclusive breastfeeding. It made me sick every time he took formula. I was relieved when he would only take a very small amount of formula. It made me happy. Which is terrible, I should be happy my child is getting fed. But I guess I figured if he was taking less formula that meant he was getting more from me. And the times he would drink 2 oz of formula, would deflate me. Luckily I only had to supplement for a week. But the entire time was terrible, I hated every minute of it. I was so afraid that giving Grant formula would cause him not to want my breast milk anymore. Well thank God that after supplementing for a week, I went back to breastfeeding, and Grant is thriving. He is almost 7 weeks and is about 9 pounds. He has gained 4 pounds since I've been breastfeeding him. I hope I can continue breastfeeding Grant and will not have to ever give him formula. Though I'm open to the idea if I do have to give it to him. I decided when Grant gets watched by his Great Aunt, that I'm going to bring formula as a secondary backup, if Grant ate all the breast milk that I brought for the day, and he is still hungry. I don't want my child to starve. So I'll use formula as a last resort.

2) Letting my child sleep in other places other than his own bed
I always thought having Grant sleep in other places like his car-seat (when he isn't in the car) or his bouncy seat, was a bad thing. I'm not even sure why, I guess before I was a mom, the only place I thought babies should sleep is in their bed. Now that I have Grant, I know this thought is not practical. We had Grant sleep in his bed at first, but when he started getting really nasally, he started getting really fussy when we laid him on his back. So we started putting him in his bouncy rocker seat to sleep in. He sleeps very soundly in there, and can breath better being more elevated. So anytime Grant sleeps he sleeps in his bouncy seat. He probably hasn't slept in his baby bed since he was two weeks old. He also sleeps in his car-seat on occasion, when we get home from somewhere and he fell asleep in the car. I don't want to disturb his sleep, so I just let him sleep in the car-seat.

3)Letting my child sleep in my bed
Before I had Grant I was completely against the baby sleeping on the bed. I personally do not think it's safe for the baby to be in the bed when Matt and I are sleep. I know many parents do co-sleeping/bedsharing. But it is not for us. I told myself that I would never ever let Grant sleep in the bed, even if it's just to sleep in the bed for a couple of hours in the morning. I'm just too scared that I may smash my child or roll on them when sleeping. Well now that I've had Grant it's changed. I'm still not going to practice bed-sharing, for many reasons. But I realize that there are going to be moments when Grant will sleep in my bed. For example, in the morning usually he is really fussy, and the only way to get him to sleep is him laying on my chest. Me being half asleep he usually sleeps on my chest, and I sleep for a couple of hours, or he sleeps right next to me. I did it a couple of times accidentally, because I was trying to get him to sleep, and ended up falling asleep myself. I felt so guilty at first. But realize that I never went into a deep sleep when he does that, and on a conscious mom level knows he's sleeping on my chest. So judge me all you like, it happens.

4) Giving my child a shower
I've heard of people taking a shower with their babies, and always thought it sounded strange. And also dangerous, I mean what if the baby slips out of your hands? I told myself I would never do such a thing. Well Grant hates baths, he screams blood murder. He absolutely hates it. It made me dread giving him baths. So we decided one day to try putting him in the shower. We have a system, I hand baby to Matt while he is in the shower. Grant cuddles in Matt's arms. Matt doesn't put Grant directly in the water. Grant loves it, he gets so content. He's fell asleep a couple times in Matt's arms while in the shower. He has smiled a couple times too while in the shower. So Matt will be in the water with Grant for a couple minutes, then turn the water off, sit down in the tub clean off Grant, and then stand back in the shower and rinse him off. It works great. And makes cleaning Grant so much easier.

These are the only ones I can think of right now. I'm sure the older Grant gets, the more I'll add to this list. Bottom line it's easy to judge others and say you'll never do that with your kids, but until you have them, that completely changes. The rules aren't set in stone, taking care of Grant everyday changes those rules. In the end I'll do what's best for Grant. So all things I said I would never do with my kid, I might as well throw out the window and have an open mind.

I mean how can you say no to this face?

1 comment:

  1. I swore I wouldn't co-sleep either...but I find myself doing the same thing you do...I put him on my chest or right beside me to calm him and sometimes doze off...but it's like you said, I'm never in a deep sleep when this happens and any slight movement on his part wakes me right up