Tuesday, July 31, 2012

The mommy competion with myself

For those who know me. I'm EXTREMELY competitive. I see everything as a competion, at work, at home, and in every aspect of my life. You can ask my co-workers, I'm ridiculous. I've attacked someone and knocked them out of their chair playing a game of Spoons. (At work during our lunch break) One time we had an event for work, and it was tradition to wear pigtails. Instead of wearing pigtails and just doing our jobs at the event like normal people. I made it into a competion of who would have the most PIGGIEST pig tails. Yes I'm that ridiculous that I made up an adjective just to turn something into a competition. I of course declared myself the winner of having the most piggiest pig tails. But really who cares? For some stupid reason I care. Also with my job it's all about hitting goals and benchmarks. I'm extremely competitive, and go crazy with my other co-workers and rub it in their face when I'm doing better then them. My one co-worker no longer works there, and I still like to rub it in her face that I'm doing better then her. She told me "Megan I don't work there anymore, how can I even try to beat you?". Not only at work am I ridiculous, but I love play scrabble with my mother. And boy are we competitive. When she plays 100 point turns, I scream curse words at my computer. I get really passionate in the things I do and make everything a competition. So it's only natural that I make parenting into a competition. Which is terrible and I shouldn't. But it's in my competition blood.

Now that Grant is getting bigger, he is starting to hit milestones. And as I surround myself with my friends, co-workers, and the internet community of other mothers, I am constantly finding myself comparing Grant to other people's children. Which I should not do. I know it is TERRIBLE. But again my competitive nature is a disease. So when someone tells be so and so is sitting up or rolling, I don't instantly think "Ah that is great, he is growing so fast!". I think "Oh my gosh Grant is a month older than that baby, and STILL not rolling." Now I know babies move at there own pace developmentally. And have a window for hitting these milestones. So just because Grant isn't doing something yet doesn't mean he isn't. He'll get there when he does, but when I hear of other people telling me there baby is doing something, I want to be that obnoxious person that says, well my baby is doing handstands.

I know I really need to tone done the competitive thing. Everything is not a competition. But to put things in perspective, I was like this even at the age of 12-13 years old. My youngest brother  Derrick, is 8 years younger then me, so I found myself taking the mother role with him. I know that 8 years old isn't that big of an age difference. But again me being me, I felt it in my nature to be motherly towards him. So when Derrick was about 3-4 years old, I remember bragging to other people that he could count to 10. Someone was talking about their kid, and I said "Oh well Derrick is doing really good with counting, he can actually count to 10." Looking back at this I laugh for several reasons. One being, what 12 year old talks or thinks like this? Bragging about what their SIBLING not even child could do that others cannot. Second, why was I making into a braggingfest? Really who cares if Derrick can count 4 more numbers than so and so? He's 20 years old know, and now it doesn't really make a difference that he knew how to count 4 more numbers than another child at the age of 3. So why did I even care? Again I had to make it into a competition.

So really I shouldn't let it get to me and I try my hardest not, because little Grant really is doing wonderfully! He loves to grab everything. Apparently tonight he thought he could drink out of a glass like everyone else. He kept throwing a fit when I wouldn't give him my glass of water to drink out of. He just started becoming a rolling machine. He giggles non-stop. He knows his name now. And he likes to say "Hi". I'm not sure if it is intentional at this point or if he is just repeating us. But it always seems like he says "Hi" in the right context. So really I can't complain. And in all honesty, I'm making the competition with myself. It's not even like it is with anyone. I just think everything in like must be a competition. Which guess what Megan it is not. Sigh. One day I'll figure that out. I just HOPE and pray that Grant doesn't inherit my competitive nature. People joke with me that I will be extremely competitive with my children, and I won't let them win in games. Which that part is true, I'm not going to let Grant win in games. What is the fun in that? He needs to learn how to lose and win some. Hopefully I'll tone down the competitiveness when Grant get's older. Let's hope at least.. .

One day I'll beat mommy in the game of blocks.

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